I was clearly shown the path to recovery, but that didn’t mean the path itself would be clear or short. To see it brought palpable relief. This relief coincided with a dozen improvements in my health and state of being, as my system cleared from heavy-duty pain meds. The clearing allowed side-effects of anti-seizure medications to arise – more brambles. As this last med is tapered, things continue to change every day.
I could tell you about each of these symptoms and how they affect me. I could tell you about the insomniac patterns of fear that arise in conflict with the facts around me.
But these are just brambles.
I could tell you about how the last full moon told me that there is no conjuring or drawing forth or earning of goodness. Goodness just is. Just like you cannot stop bad things from happening in life, you also cannot stop the goodness. What is possible, however, is the ability to unsee the goodness. Or see it for the first time.
I could tell you about how the world is experienced through a prism constructed by mental constructs. All senses feed information to our incredible, infinitely mysterious brain and then the brain interprets, based on what it already knows – or what it thinks it knows. Turn the prism just a little bit and everything is transformed. The key I see is in not hyper-designing the right mental constructs. It is in letting go of all of them. It is just to be. Just flow. Allow the unconscious instinct part of the brain, which is far smarter than our consciousness, to dictate our decisions.
But these are just glints of light in the dark passage.
In one sense, we as a culture are fixated on the highs and the lows of the Wheel of Life. On the other hand these points are just mirages. The wheel never stops turning and each cycle is part of a greater cycle, made up of the smaller ones we live through every day.
The truth is, the dark and light are both with us all of the time. Each holds its own precipice to ultimate mystery. The many shades of grey are there to harden our navigational skills. Yet, there is no destination. There is only survival and the choice to love, or not to. We cannot control the path. It is there before us. We make decisions in how to travel the path or which direction to go when the path branches.
There is the Wyrd – the network of paths we are connected to. Then there is free will, our limited ability to alter the paths. How we dance on the network is completely under our control. When we say, “What we put out there comes back,” that is referring to our relationships with the network and other beings on the network, carnate and incarnate. Together maybe, we can alter the paths.
Just another possible light in the dark passage.
I cannot tell you. I cannot draw any meaning from my movement on the path right now, because the meaning will not be gleaned until the long game is through.
