Between my mother’s multiple falls, my car accident, and my sister-in-law’s mother’s stroke, there is a seismic shift happening in my family of origin. My family of origin has been one of minefields and psychological violence. It’s no secret. No one in my family would be shocked to read this. It is the atmosphere in which we have always existed. It’s nobody’s fault. It’s the cards our ancestors were dealt. Countless attempts at peace, interrupted by explosions and then silence for long periods of time. Rinse and repeat.
There are a variety of reasons why I have not felt alliance with any of my siblings in years. But I received a beautiful phone call from my older brother and his wife after my first hospitalization. Upon my second hospitalization, I woke up to be told me that my younger brother would be there in two hours. I couldn’t believe it. When he showed up, he looked like a soft and cuddly papa. I asked him if mom had told him that my favorite thing in the world is when people show up, and I got to watch that land on his heart. He was with me for about 24 hours, during which time he admitted to me that being a papa truly is the most important thing in his life. My sister inserts loving whispers into the family texts.
I woke up this morning in tears, feeling love from my family. The love and concern that has flowed into the cracks of our ever-broken dynamic has been like Kintsugi, the Japanese practice of repairing broken ceramics with gold. This beauty literally could not be without the landscapes we have walked through together.
The work is not complete. There are more pieces to come together, and as our dynamic goes, it’s usually one step forward, two steps back. But I feel it is happening. I tell my mother that some day before she dies, we may have one family gathering without any fighting.
This seismic shift happens at the same time I am discovering the love of my friends, neighbors and community. They hold me in a gentle web while I recover from two procedures on my brain and navigate the world of FMLA, insurance, lawyers, fear and sudden bouts of mental exhaustion.
I will make it through this. I will be a better person because of it. I will savor the grace of every moment that is a gifted to me.
We all have different ideas of what good relationships can be. Some are theory. Some are fantasy. Some come from what we’ve been taught from others. But what is real is always what is in the present, not the mind or the past or projection.
I am being taught, and I am learning there is no option but to keep on and have faith.
Blessings on your bloodline. May this good thread be part of a mending healing that heals your ancestors and descendants. ⭐️
This is so beautiful. You have such a gift in your writing that draws me in and lets me feel what you’re telling me. I’m grateful and full of admiration that you see the blessings that are coming with this aggravating time-consuming setback. Thank you for the way you include all of us and let us all know of each other so we’re all aware of this interweaving of care and love that is surrounding you that we are part of.
My dear Friend,
Your writings are often like a warm cup of tea ☕️on a chilly day, and this one again hits the spot. The example of Kintsuji is perfect here.
Im glad you are absorbing all of the beautiful, free-flowing love…It is truly what makes the world go ’round.💗
As sorry as I am that this accident happened, I am equally in awe of what has (and is!) occurring because of it! Your family, and friends, and your community that have come forward to pour love and light onto you is magnificent to see!
When things get broken…families, connections, our bodies, the order of things, they never come back together to their original state…and what an absolute blessing that can be!
Thank you for being a living example of what power there can be when a wounding happens, the power in vulnerability, in surrender, in allowing others to show up for us, and in allowing love (in all of its different forms!) to nurture our pieces back together in way that feels different, but somehow better, like a long awaited exhale.
I sure do love you my friend, and continue to send ease and healing for you to use, if and how, you wish.💗
With gentle hugs and so much love,
💗Cheri
Ah kintsugi, a perfect metaphor, and so much more elegant than talking about “making lemonade out of lemons ( no offense to the lemons!) ” You are such an expressive and strong writer!